Coexistence
with the Adolescent
The adolescent
is a child that with his innocence, lack of experience, great
impulse and rebelliousness wants to be mature, to live without
obligations and with freedom.
The adult is a
father/mother that still sees his son as a child, reprehends him,
controls and over protects him with exaggeration.
The consequence of these two
wrong positions is that the home where parents and children live
becomes a residence/hotel where parents and adolescents cohabit.
The parents make the error of
distrusting their children, they minimize them, they criticize
them and make them feel penned and unhappy, if we add the
posibility that they belong to a home of divorced parents, they
do not accept the new parents, he is orphaneos, he is no longer
the spoilt son, if the father is violent or alcoholic, makes the
youths begin to think of running away from home or to look for
the solution to their problems with drugs.
The solution is not to look for
who has the reason, the best road so that two parties in conflict
reach an agreement it is that one of them takes the initiative to
speak, negotiate and to give in:
- If it is the parents
that look for to rescue their son, I suggest that they
understand that their new role is that of friend with
desires to help, guide, advise or to suggest actions,
behaviors or more convenient attitudes for the child.
- When your son makes an
error, do not criticize him, understand him and cooperate
with him, remember that youths frequently do not listen
to their parents because they think that their advice and
opinions are old fashioned, think and meditate that it is
possible that it is true.
- Adults should lose the fear
of solitude, this fear is the one that more conflict
creates in homes with a single son, understand that your
son grew up and it is time that the puppy leaves alone to
the forest, faces risus and makes his own decisions.
- Parents should not confront
their children, because their rebelliousness can
precipitate them to go down the wrong road, it is now
when the adult becomes a teacher, it is easy to give
advice to others but it is difficult to apply experience,
patience, pardon and the maturity in our family, also in
the home complys with the saying "nobody is prophet
in his earth."
- If it is the
children that wish to capture the attention and
reflection of their parents, they should begin with
forgiving their errors or because they do not understand
you, then try to comunicate at that moment in an
appropriate place, indicating that their work as parents
is reaching the end, that you want to make your own
decisions but you want to have their advice as friends
that they support you in your initiatives but most
important it is that they trust you. This advice will
avoid negative reactions in your parents since they will
not feel hurt because you made a decision without
consulting them.
- Listen to your parents when
they alert you to danger, young people believe that
nothing will ever happen to them, they have extreme
confidence and do not take the necesary precautions when
they go out to have fun. Use your intuition at the time
in choose your friends.
- Never tell your parents that
you wish to stop your studies, ask them to allow you to
study at your own rhythm and in the profession of your
preference. If you decide to work guarantees andcomply
that you will continue studying. Do not reproach your
parents because they do not give you enough money or they
do not buy you a car, understand that your parents want
you to learn the true value of money and that the easy
life does not create venturesome and successful men.
- Take care of your sexual
relationships, take care of your health and avoid
pregnancies. Be careful not to confuse passion with love,
many youths leave their homes believing they are in love
and in reality what hey feel is a great physical
attraction, they want but they do not love. If your
parents do not approve your significant other tell them
remember that in dictates feelings the only authorized
opinion is the one that the heart.
Parents as well as the
children should fight to maintain together the family, even when
distances and circumstances try to impede it.
